The Incredible, Edible(ish) Egg (Loaf)

Here’s something you never knew you didn’t want: a long tube of sliceable hardboiled egg.

These pictures of egg phalluses aren’t new but they are, once again, making the rounds on the Internet. So as long as you’re going to be bombarded with brow-furrowing pictures of them, you might as well learn a bit about the ovo-loaves’ background.

Sadly, they aren’t laid by some sort of long, vuvuzela-shaped bird but are instead made by a machine, which (as far as we can gather) manufactures egg sausages by extruding cooked egg yolks into a long tube, then covering it with egg whites. One of the first of such machines was called the SANOVO 6-32 a.k.a. the “long egg machine.” Invented in 1974, it was used to make the Danaeg Long Egg, which is still sold today—you can also buy Danaeg Pre-Sliced Long Egg. The Danaeg was not the only mass-produced egg roll to take the 1970s by storm. The Gourm-Egg from Purina Ralston (a one time owner of Jack in the Box) was discussed in a 1977 article from the New York Times entitled “Shell Shocker: Look What They’ve Done to Eggs.”

So why make such monstrosities? According to a Chowhound user, tubular eggs were commonly used in cafeteria salad bars. And a scene from Kevin Smith’s Clerks II suggests that the tubular eggs are, indeed, still used to this day by fast food kitchens. Just think about it—when was the last time you saw a real egg end slice in a salad bar or on a sandwich from a chain? The egg loaf is like the fast food industry’s Kaiser Soze—it was there, right in front of you, all along.